Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I can hardly believe it's the end of October - we have been Israelis for sixteen months already! Time has gone by so fast.

So far we've had one rainfall since May. It was actually a week or so ago. The rain didn't last very long, but it was a whopper of a storm. For several hours we had spectacular thunder and lightning; thank G-d Emma doesn't get scared, although she did seem a little nervous. My friend, Ellen, called from Ramat Beit Shemesh and said they were getting the same kind of weather. When the rain finally came, it only lasted about fifteen minutes and it came down really hard. We, of course, need the rain but the downside is that our entire yard - on all four sides of our house - is just dirt. Needless to say, we had to rinse Emma off in the sink after she went out. By the next morning, the mud had already dried to dirt, so we obviously didn't get enough water to make a difference. Hopefully it rained more up north where we need it the most.

So, we thought going to the dentist was being very responsible, but it's ending up costing us mucho kesef (am I allowed to mix Spanish with Hebrew?). David had to get three preventive fillings while I needed one, plus a crown that was put in just before we moved here has to be replaced. I am not happy with our dentist in St. Louis! And of course, we both needed a cleaning. Our new dentist, Dr. Mike, is from England but he's lived in Israel for a long time.

It was interesting taking the bus to his office in Rehavia. I never knew where it was before and it's so easy to get to on the #32. And I finally saw where the windmill is that you can see from the Jaffa Gate! We really love our new bus passes. I seem to be in Yerushalayim pretty often and it's so much fun to get on and off different busses. Sometimes I'll get on a different bus than I'm used to to get to a destination, and almost always it's a long, circuitous route. It's not so bad riding the city busses if I don't have to be somewhere at a certain time because I get to know different parts of the city. I just don't like the inter-city busses so much which is weird because they're supposedly more comfortable.

Lately I've been pondering the meaning of life. How often do we seem to do that? For me, it happens every time something changes in my life, or something happens to people in my life. After events leading up to what I wrote in my last blog, I've been spending a whole lot of time speaking with Hashem, probably more than I ever have in my life. Even though I know better, I've been trying to orchestrate mine and other's lives when I should have known better. WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL. I've said those words, I've even said it to others, but I don't think I really believed them until now. When people (we'll keep that term general) confide in me or tell me things that are wrong in their lives, all I do is try to fix it. Who do I think I am? Why do I think I know anything? All they're asking for is for someone to listen, to empathize, to say, "I hear you." 12-step programs have a pithy saying, "Let go and let G-d." Intellectually I know that, but I've never been able to do it. Now it's something I want to try to remember and make a conscious effort to do. I've seen Hashem's hand; I know that ultimately, He's the fixer - and He sure knows more about what's going on than I do!

So I daven. A lot. I'm lighting candles for forty days for my loved one while reciting a prayer and some tehillim. We donated money to a yeshiva so someone will daven for him at the kotel for forty days. It's all in Hashem's hands now. And I know that whatever happens, it's for the best because that's what He wants for us. And I trust Him.

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