I'm going to write in black today; it's that kind of day.
Since this isn't really a diary, and people read this blog (surprisingly) from points all around the world, there are times when I can't write what I really want to say. But there are things I NEED to say so I'm going to try without being specific.
Let me just say first that I, personally, am doing fine. Still grateful for all the many blessings I have in my life: a husband who loves me, a more than adequate place to live, an income, food to eat, clothes to wear, relatively good health, two sons, a sweet puppy, friends who care about me, extended family members who mean a lot to me, the miracle of being able to live in Eretz Yisrael - I could go on and on. Hashem has literally showered me with blessings.
But my heart is bleeding. For the past three days my body has felt weighted down with fear and sadness, and the tears keep flowing. I understand that there has to be suffering in this world; that Hashem gives us challenges to help us grow and make us stronger. But I feel so helpless! I'm 6000 miles away from someone I love who is so desperately, devastatingly in pain - and there's absolutely nothing I can do to help. This person doesn't understand that there's a Heavenly Father who cares about him, who wants him to make better choices, who's there to help if he just says, "Please help me." He's drowning, he's lost, and he doesn't know how to reach out. It's not my hand that can help him, as much as I want to. We are all so seemingly alone on this earth. Even with friends and family, ultimately the only relationship that has any meaning is the one we have with our Creator. And there are so many people out there who don't even know they have that lifeline, even some who scorn it. Please, Hashem, make a miracle! Show him how to ask for help. Help him make the right choice. Help him live.